(no subject)

There was something entertaining and mildly thoughtful that I was going to post about today, but damned if I can remember what it is. Between what the Texas legislature is up to and being reminded of the horrible systemic racism in the legal system, I am in more of a mood to rage against this whole country.

I second-guess my determination to continue pursuing this difficult, uncertain, high-chance-of-failure career path of academia a lot of the time. It's only recently that I've started questioning it because of the part which would lock me down into this country for so long.

And every time someone says, "Oh, well, you're only upset because you haven't been paying attention; it's been this bad all along," it makes me want to go back into denial. Because if that's true--and it probably is--what's the point in my being upset about the injustice? Why should I even try? People around me say they've been aware all this time, and these better-informed people couldn't change anything. What's the use of me even caring?

I tried to write a poem--about the way despair breeds--and got too depressed to continue it. Now that is irony, at least in the Alanis Morisette sense.