(no subject)

[fadeaccompli]

I am having a lovely time at Paradise Lost, which is generally what I expect. So that's nice, but no surprise. The lectures are good, the critiques are good, hanging out with people is excellent. I'm currently hiding in my hotel room while other people are out at dinner, but that's because a few convention meltdowns taught me that I need to manage this introvert thing, and it's often better to bow out while I'm still cheery and recharge before taking on more social stuff.

Got terribly drunk last night, and I don't think I'll be doing that again. It was quite a lot of fun until the nausea kicked in, at which point it was not. So. Maybe more careful drinking in the future. It was a valuable learning experience!

I am kinda worried about Pixel, but presumably the roommate would've called if anything came up. And I'll see her tomorrow--well, them, and the cats, who will be pissy but fine judging by past similar events--so that's all good.

Had a long and complicated dream last night that got to a point where I was standing outside in the snow, trying to find a Christmas decoration to buy that didn't have the US flag on it somewhere. Finally located a brass sparrow with a key in its mouth, and when I fit that key into its back and twisted, it spun back around playing a lovely wistful tune like a music box. And then I had to beat up forty dudes who showed up to mug the seller, and he was very happy that I'd saved him, but really, I mostly remember that brass sparrow and its music. Perhaps I'll use it somewhere.

I am feeling deeply encouraged about writing and submissions right now, and quietly discouraged about academics. I mean--not about academics as in classes. I love those, hard as they are. But I'm getting so tired of the part where it transforms from Me Paying Money into Me Being Paid being some distant, distant goal, deeply uncertain, and ever more uncertain as classics departments around the country get gutted because this rabidly anti-intellectual country will only grudgingly acknowledge the value of non-MBA degrees if they're in STEM fields.

Forgive me. I am feeling bitter, and discouraged. I love academics; I love classics; I believe passionately in the value of such things. But when I start thinking that writing genre fiction would be a more lucrative and financially reliable use of my time in the long run than taking classes... Well. It gets to me.

Anyway. Back to socializing soon. There was a lovely cheese session right before dinner, and I'm still full of dairy goodness.

Comments

[aamcnamara]

I hear you on the whole grad-school, funding-cut, humanities stuff.

Paradise Lost looks like so much fun--I am very sorry I'm missing it. (Maybe some other year.) Have a great time!

[hawkwing_lb]

Considering that my mate, who's one of the lucky few with academic jobs (permanent! within six years of graduating!) spent yesterday evening telling me things that make working in the university system sound really rather awful...

Is it really supposed to be like this? Sigh.

[neogrammarian]

No, no it really isn't supposed to be like this, and I think part of the problem (from the inside perspective) is how fast the acceleration of Badness happened. Sure things were bad in the 90s. And things were increasingly bad in the 00s. But then at some point right around the time of the economic crash, things went right off a cliff. It's tough to diagnose exactly what the current state of affairs is, it's all moving so very fast- so there can be no solutions.

[hawkwing_lb]

Hi, cliff! You're very steep! Are there toothy rocks at the bottom? WHY YES THERE ARE.

Ahem.

[fadeaccompli]

*waves hands at grad school, sighs*

Paradise Lost is lovely. Another year, I hope!

[fadeaccompli]

I love academics, but I am increasingly terrified of academia. Conversely, there is no money to be hand in "I just take classes forever", so I really need to commit to an endgame.

(Sometimes it seems like there is no money to be had in completing a graduate degree either. Sigh.)

[fadeaccompli]

It sounds so terrifying. To the point that "Well, my advisor was very supportive during my breakdown in grad school" is the optimistic, encouraging sort of feedback I see (compared to all the rest which is worse and more standard). My professors are so pessimistic about the direction the classics department is going, and this isn't supposed to be some tiny irrelevant classics department; it's UTA! It's one of the best in the country!

But they're just not replacing retiring professors anymore, so we're losing everyone who's not in the archeology side, one by one. To the point that my favorite Latin prof quietly discouraged me from applying there, not because she didn't think I could get in, but because she wasn't sure there'd be a professor with a literature focus available to be my advisor by that point. Mrf.

[neogrammarian]

It is terrifying. Frankly, with your interests and love of languages, I'd keep up the Latin and Greek, and add Arabic or Old Persian, and head towards a Middle Eastern Studies program w/good integration w/Classics and Late Antique History. Anyone w/Arabic can pick their job these days, and aim for positions in History or Near Eastern/Middle Easter/Arabic Studies programs. This is how I think the all-but-dead field of Byzantine History needs to be re-booted and re-branded, as a part of Near Eastern History, for example.

[fadeaccompli]

I've got a friend in Byzantine History, oddly enough, and that's good advice. But...man. I just don't think I can go spend another three years trying to claw my way into another language and all the historical background I'd need to even start applying there. I am tired of always prepping for a graduate degree; it's reaching the point where I need to either actually enter a grad program, or give it up as a lost cause.

[neogrammarian]

hm I had forgotten how close you were to grad school I guess. Do remember w/r/t Arabic, that there's a lot of financial support (from various quarters) for learning it- and that can be motivating. The history side could be done in a course or two I think, for the early periods, as background. You'll do all the real slogwork in grad school.

And, really, they get jobs as ABDs. That doesn't happen in any other field but Composition Studies, these days.

[fadeaccompli]

ABDs?

Sigh. I just want to teach interested students all the cool things about Latin literature. But it doesn't seem like even professors get to do much of that.

[neogrammarian]

Many or most of us teach almost nothing to do w/our content expertise.

Abd = "all but done" or "all but dissertation" = a grad student past coursework and comprehensive exams, but not yet completed with his or her dissertation or graduated

[fadeaccompli]

*pokes dubiously at Life Goals*

Some days I really think I would be better off, financially and psychologically, just auditing language classes and writing fiction. But I'm not sure I get to count that as a Career until said fiction sells at a reasonable rate. (I guess that's something I could focus on this summer.)

[ursula]

I can imagine one might be able to pick up Arabic in grad school, as well as before it? (I was tempted to do so myself, but feared the attention drain.)

[fadeaccompli]

I'm not really sure when I'd find the time, but presumably it is possible, for those whose brains can contain such multitudes.

[neogrammarian]

oh yes- with a strong grounding in other key languages, a 3rd is often picked up during grad coursework.

[hawkwing_lb]

Take classes forever and write a book. Seriously, the graduate degree stuff? There's no money in it unless you're really really lucky.

[fadeaccompli]

Classes forever are expensive, but it is sort of terrifying that "write a book" is increasingly looking like a better long-term financial plan than "get a graduate degree."

[hawkwing_lb]

I mean like a research book! If you want, be an independent scholar. :)

[fadeaccompli]

...

....

......what a fascinating idea. I must consider this some more.

[hawkwing_lb]

I'm coming around to the idea that it may be the only way for me to do what I want in life... be a scholar, but not one employed by a university.

So, you know. Worth thinking about!

[fadeaccompli]

I don't know what sort of market there is at all for books on academic topics with no PhD to back it up, but. Mm. Must consider this.

[hawkwing_lb]

I know a bunch of histories - interesting ones - have been written by people who started as journalists...