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Cicero! Again, the footnotes glitch because I copied this from two separate files. (Any suggestions on a good footnote tag I can find on the standard keyboard that won’t be jarring in the midst of the text, after I get through *** and ^^^ ?)
Chapter 60
And indeed if no violence of hasty crime had destroyed this man, by what method would he have opposed his raging relative* from the consulship, who as consul said, with the senate listening, that he** was starting to rage and thunder by his own hand to kill him? Was that women, exiting this house, heard to speak about swift poison? Didn't she fear that very house lest it cast any voice, and not shrink from the ignorant walls, nor that fatal and sorrowful night? But I return to the charge; for indeed this mention I've made of that most famous and bravest man has weakened my voice with weeping and clouds my mind with sorrow.
Chapter 61
But nevertheless there was poison from somewhere, and it is not said by what method it was prepared. They say it was given to this P. Licinius, a chaste and good young man, a friend of Caelius; it was arranged with slaves that they would come to the Senia baths; the same Licinius was going to go there and take the pyxis*** of poison to them. Here I first ask about that: what good was it that it was carried into this appointed place, why those slaves did not come to Caelius's house. If there remains so great that custom of Caelius, so great an intimacy with Clodia, what is there of suspicion if a slave of the woman is seen at the house of Caelius? However, if now unhappiness was arising, the custom had died, discord had sprung up, from this doubtless come these tears, and this case is from all this crime and charge.
Chapter 62
“On the contrary,” it is said, “when the servants poured out the whole matter and the malice of Caelius to their mistress, the clever woman ordered them to promise everything to Caelius; but so that the poison, when it was handed over by Licinius, could then be seized openly, she ordered the location to be set as the Senian baths, so that there she might send friends who might hide, then swiftly--when Licinius had come and handed over the poison--jump out and seize the man.”
All these things, judges, have the easiest reason to be refuted. For why in particular would she settle on the public baths? in which I do not find what hiding place is available to toga-clad men. For if they were in the entrance of the baths, they weren’t hiding; but if they wished to pack themselves into the interior, they weren’t able to do it suitably enough and wouldn’t be allowed, while dressed and wearing shoes, unless by chance the powerful woman had done it for the bath-owner by that well-known two-bit trick of hers.*
Chapter 63
And so indeed I eagerly await whoever those good men were, said to openly be witnesses of this poison being seized; for as yet none have been named. But I do not doubt but that they are very serious men, the sort who are so well-acquainted with the woman, who then undertook this duty so that they were crowded into the baths--a thing which that woman, however powerful she wishes to be, would never have obtained if not from the most honest men and men most full of dignity.
But what do I say about the dignity of such witnesses? Understand their virtue and diligence. “They hid in baths.” Remarkable witnesses! “Then they rashly leapt out.” Temperate men! For you imagine thus, when Licinius had come, he held the pyxis in hand, he tried to hand it over, he had not yet handed it over--then those magnificent witnesses with no name swiftly flew out; however, Licinius, when he had already stretched out his hand for passing over the pyxis, retracted it, and man threw himself into flight from that sudden attack. O what a great force of truth, which easily defends itself on its own against the genius of men, their cunning, their skill, and against the imagined plots of all!
Chapter 64
For example, this whole story from an experienced poet who’s written many stories--how free of argument it is, how unable to find any conclusion! As expected. If there were so many of these men--for it was necessary that there not be few, so that they might easily catch Licinius and the matter be better witnessed by the eyes of many--why did Licinius slip from their hands? For why was it less possible to seize Licinius when he drew back from handing over the pyxis than when he had handed it over? For those men were placed so that they might seize Licinius, so that Licinius would be publicly held either when he retained the poison or when he had handed it over. This was the woman’s entire plan, these things the duties of those men who are asked for; and I don’t find that you say why they sprang up rashly and too early. They had been summoned for this, they had been positioned for this reason, so that they might publicly seize the poison, the conspiracy, then the very crime!
Chapter 65
Could they have jumped out at a better time than when Licinius had arrived, when he held the pyxis of poison in hand? And when it had been handed over to the slaves, if the woman’s friends had suddenly rushed out of the baths and seized Licinius, he would have protested his innocence and thoroughly denied that the pyxis had been handed over by him. And how would they refute him? would they have said they had seen him? First they would call on themselves the charge of the greatest crime; then they would say they had seen it because they had not been able to to see in which place it had happened. Therefore at the very time that they showed themselves, then Licinius had come, was arranging the pyxis, was reaching out with his hand, was handing over the poison. Therefore the ending is of a farce, not a story, in which when the end isn’t found, someone flees from their grasp, then the band starts up and the curtain falls.**
Chapter 66
For I ask why that womanly group let Licinius--faltering, hesitating, backing up, trying to escape--slip from their hands, why they didn’t seize him, why they did not describe the charge for such a great crime with his confession, the eyes of many, then the voice of the doer. Or were they afraid lest so many might not be able to overcome one man, the brave overcoming the weak, the swift overcoming the quite terrified.
No evidence is found in the matter, no suspicion in the case, no conclusion for the charge. And so this case is dragged out towards the witnesses by evidence, by inference, and by these signs by which the truth is usually made clear. Indeed I, judges, await these witnesses not only without any fear but also with some hope of pleasure.
Chapter 67
Now the spirit is very eager to see first the well-washed young men and friends of the happy, noble woman, then the strong men gathered by the she-general in plots and in fortification of the baths. From them I will ask by what method they hid or where, whether it was a bathtub or a Trojan horse which bore and fit together so many invincible men waging war for a woman. I will force them to respond truly to this, why so many men and such great ones neither seized this singular, stupid man while he was standing there--whom they saw!--nor followed him while he was fleeing; who will never properly explain themselves, if they appear in this place. However witty or clever they wish to be at parties (for they might sometimes be eloquent when drunk), the power of the forum is one thing, of the dining room another; of the jury seats one thing, of the dining couches another; there’s not the same appearance for judges and for party-goers; the light of the sun is quite different from that of lamps. For this reason we will discover all the affectations of these men, all their flaws, if they come forward. But let them listen to me, let them busy themselves elsewhere, let them curry favor elsewhere and let them stretch themselves towards other matters, let them thrive at this woman’s house by charm, let them rule by spending, let them stick to her, throw themselves at her, be slaves to her; let them truly spare the lives and fortunes of the innocent!
Chapter 68
But those slaves have been freed by the approval of her male relatives***, the most noble and illustrious of men. At last we find something which this woman is said to have done regarding the opinion and authority of her own relatives, the strongest of men. But I wish to know what meaning this manumission has; in which either the charge is sought against Caelius or an investigation avoided or a bribe paid off to the slaves knowing many things about the case. “But it pleases her relatives,” it’s said. Why would it not please, when you say that the matter was not brought to you by others but that you reported it to those men when it was discovered?^
Chapter 69
For are we amazed at this point, if that most obscene story followed that fabricated pyxis?^^ There is nothing which would not seem to suit a woman of her type. And the matter is heard and spread about by rumors. You perceived in your minds, judges, for some time now what I wish or more strongly what I do not wish to say. For if this was done, truly indeed it was not done by Caelius--for what did it have to do with him?--since it was done by some young man, certainly not so much without humor as without shame. But if it’s actually untrue, then that was indeed not modesty, but nevertheless it was not a lie without humor; because certainly the gossip and opinions of men never approved of her, unless everything which was said about other shameless behavior seemed to fit her perfectly.
Chapter 70
The case is spoken by me, judges, and closed. Now you all understand how much judgment you uphold, and how great is the matter entrusted to you. You asked about force. This law pertains to the power, the majesty, the stability of our nation, and towards the well-being of all, which law Q. Catulus upheld during the armed rebellion of the citizens, in almost the most troubled times of the republic, and which law extinguished the remaining embers during my consulship when the flames had subsided--now by this law Caelius’s youth is demanded not for the punishments of the republic but for the lusts and whims of a woman.
Chapter 71^^^
Now at this point the condemnation of M. Camurtus and C. Caesernus is brought forward. O stupidity! Will I call it stupidity, or a singular impudence? Did you dare, when you came from that woman, to make mention of those men? Did you dare stir up the memory of such great shame, that memory not only extinguished but long suppressed? For by what charge and error were they condemned? Naturally, because they avenged the pain and injury for the nefarious sex crime of Vettius. Therefore, so that name of Vettus be heard in this case, so that the old bronze story be brought up, is that why the case of Camurtus and Caesernus is stirred up? who indeed certainly were not held in any way by the law about force, nevertheless had been implicated in so much wickedness that it seemed they should not be freed from the snares of any law.
---
* His cousin, Clodius. The 'furenti' that I'm translating as "raging" here (suggested by the text: "mad") is a term the conservative party used to refer to the more revolutionary part.
** That is, Metellus-as-consul was talking about Clodius making noise about killing Metellus. I think.
*** According to my footnote, a pyxis is a little cylinder-ish box used for holding cosmetics and other womanly stuff, often made from ivory, wood, or pottery. There will be a lot of talk of this pyxis in later parts of this speech; I suspect they'd sound even wackier if I just translated it as 'box' every time.
* An allusion to another insult towards Clodia, which claimed she was prostituting herself for a quadrans (thus the “two bits”), the same amount charged to let people into the baths. It’s a confusing sentence, but the footnote makes it clear that it’s very, very rude.
** Literally, “then the foot-castanets sound out and the curtain is raised.” Farces didn’t have a plot, so there was just a musical sting and the curtain raised (to cover the stage) when it was over.
*** My footnotes say that in theory, as a widow, Clodia couldn’t actually free slaves herself, being under the legal control of her male relatives; in practice, with enough money, she could manage it.
^ Cicero is doing something very strident with the arrangement of pronouns in this sentence, but damned if I can untangle it.
^^ The footnote says: “We have no idea what this refers to, though those listening to the speech certainly must have.” So there you have it.
^^^ There is a lot of wibble in the footnotes about this section, but it comes down to “We have no idea what case is being referred to here, or who these people are, or why it’s relevant to the case at hand.” If, as Cicero seems to imply, the whole matter was deliberately suppressed, I guess that would explain part of the mystery. Or at least why it’s so mysterious.
Chapter 60
And indeed if no violence of hasty crime had destroyed this man, by what method would he have opposed his raging relative* from the consulship, who as consul said, with the senate listening, that he** was starting to rage and thunder by his own hand to kill him? Was that women, exiting this house, heard to speak about swift poison? Didn't she fear that very house lest it cast any voice, and not shrink from the ignorant walls, nor that fatal and sorrowful night? But I return to the charge; for indeed this mention I've made of that most famous and bravest man has weakened my voice with weeping and clouds my mind with sorrow.
Chapter 61
But nevertheless there was poison from somewhere, and it is not said by what method it was prepared. They say it was given to this P. Licinius, a chaste and good young man, a friend of Caelius; it was arranged with slaves that they would come to the Senia baths; the same Licinius was going to go there and take the pyxis*** of poison to them. Here I first ask about that: what good was it that it was carried into this appointed place, why those slaves did not come to Caelius's house. If there remains so great that custom of Caelius, so great an intimacy with Clodia, what is there of suspicion if a slave of the woman is seen at the house of Caelius? However, if now unhappiness was arising, the custom had died, discord had sprung up, from this doubtless come these tears, and this case is from all this crime and charge.
Chapter 62
“On the contrary,” it is said, “when the servants poured out the whole matter and the malice of Caelius to their mistress, the clever woman ordered them to promise everything to Caelius; but so that the poison, when it was handed over by Licinius, could then be seized openly, she ordered the location to be set as the Senian baths, so that there she might send friends who might hide, then swiftly--when Licinius had come and handed over the poison--jump out and seize the man.”
All these things, judges, have the easiest reason to be refuted. For why in particular would she settle on the public baths? in which I do not find what hiding place is available to toga-clad men. For if they were in the entrance of the baths, they weren’t hiding; but if they wished to pack themselves into the interior, they weren’t able to do it suitably enough and wouldn’t be allowed, while dressed and wearing shoes, unless by chance the powerful woman had done it for the bath-owner by that well-known two-bit trick of hers.*
Chapter 63
And so indeed I eagerly await whoever those good men were, said to openly be witnesses of this poison being seized; for as yet none have been named. But I do not doubt but that they are very serious men, the sort who are so well-acquainted with the woman, who then undertook this duty so that they were crowded into the baths--a thing which that woman, however powerful she wishes to be, would never have obtained if not from the most honest men and men most full of dignity.
But what do I say about the dignity of such witnesses? Understand their virtue and diligence. “They hid in baths.” Remarkable witnesses! “Then they rashly leapt out.” Temperate men! For you imagine thus, when Licinius had come, he held the pyxis in hand, he tried to hand it over, he had not yet handed it over--then those magnificent witnesses with no name swiftly flew out; however, Licinius, when he had already stretched out his hand for passing over the pyxis, retracted it, and man threw himself into flight from that sudden attack. O what a great force of truth, which easily defends itself on its own against the genius of men, their cunning, their skill, and against the imagined plots of all!
Chapter 64
For example, this whole story from an experienced poet who’s written many stories--how free of argument it is, how unable to find any conclusion! As expected. If there were so many of these men--for it was necessary that there not be few, so that they might easily catch Licinius and the matter be better witnessed by the eyes of many--why did Licinius slip from their hands? For why was it less possible to seize Licinius when he drew back from handing over the pyxis than when he had handed it over? For those men were placed so that they might seize Licinius, so that Licinius would be publicly held either when he retained the poison or when he had handed it over. This was the woman’s entire plan, these things the duties of those men who are asked for; and I don’t find that you say why they sprang up rashly and too early. They had been summoned for this, they had been positioned for this reason, so that they might publicly seize the poison, the conspiracy, then the very crime!
Chapter 65
Could they have jumped out at a better time than when Licinius had arrived, when he held the pyxis of poison in hand? And when it had been handed over to the slaves, if the woman’s friends had suddenly rushed out of the baths and seized Licinius, he would have protested his innocence and thoroughly denied that the pyxis had been handed over by him. And how would they refute him? would they have said they had seen him? First they would call on themselves the charge of the greatest crime; then they would say they had seen it because they had not been able to to see in which place it had happened. Therefore at the very time that they showed themselves, then Licinius had come, was arranging the pyxis, was reaching out with his hand, was handing over the poison. Therefore the ending is of a farce, not a story, in which when the end isn’t found, someone flees from their grasp, then the band starts up and the curtain falls.**
Chapter 66
For I ask why that womanly group let Licinius--faltering, hesitating, backing up, trying to escape--slip from their hands, why they didn’t seize him, why they did not describe the charge for such a great crime with his confession, the eyes of many, then the voice of the doer. Or were they afraid lest so many might not be able to overcome one man, the brave overcoming the weak, the swift overcoming the quite terrified.
No evidence is found in the matter, no suspicion in the case, no conclusion for the charge. And so this case is dragged out towards the witnesses by evidence, by inference, and by these signs by which the truth is usually made clear. Indeed I, judges, await these witnesses not only without any fear but also with some hope of pleasure.
Chapter 67
Now the spirit is very eager to see first the well-washed young men and friends of the happy, noble woman, then the strong men gathered by the she-general in plots and in fortification of the baths. From them I will ask by what method they hid or where, whether it was a bathtub or a Trojan horse which bore and fit together so many invincible men waging war for a woman. I will force them to respond truly to this, why so many men and such great ones neither seized this singular, stupid man while he was standing there--whom they saw!--nor followed him while he was fleeing; who will never properly explain themselves, if they appear in this place. However witty or clever they wish to be at parties (for they might sometimes be eloquent when drunk), the power of the forum is one thing, of the dining room another; of the jury seats one thing, of the dining couches another; there’s not the same appearance for judges and for party-goers; the light of the sun is quite different from that of lamps. For this reason we will discover all the affectations of these men, all their flaws, if they come forward. But let them listen to me, let them busy themselves elsewhere, let them curry favor elsewhere and let them stretch themselves towards other matters, let them thrive at this woman’s house by charm, let them rule by spending, let them stick to her, throw themselves at her, be slaves to her; let them truly spare the lives and fortunes of the innocent!
Chapter 68
But those slaves have been freed by the approval of her male relatives***, the most noble and illustrious of men. At last we find something which this woman is said to have done regarding the opinion and authority of her own relatives, the strongest of men. But I wish to know what meaning this manumission has; in which either the charge is sought against Caelius or an investigation avoided or a bribe paid off to the slaves knowing many things about the case. “But it pleases her relatives,” it’s said. Why would it not please, when you say that the matter was not brought to you by others but that you reported it to those men when it was discovered?^
Chapter 69
For are we amazed at this point, if that most obscene story followed that fabricated pyxis?^^ There is nothing which would not seem to suit a woman of her type. And the matter is heard and spread about by rumors. You perceived in your minds, judges, for some time now what I wish or more strongly what I do not wish to say. For if this was done, truly indeed it was not done by Caelius--for what did it have to do with him?--since it was done by some young man, certainly not so much without humor as without shame. But if it’s actually untrue, then that was indeed not modesty, but nevertheless it was not a lie without humor; because certainly the gossip and opinions of men never approved of her, unless everything which was said about other shameless behavior seemed to fit her perfectly.
Chapter 70
The case is spoken by me, judges, and closed. Now you all understand how much judgment you uphold, and how great is the matter entrusted to you. You asked about force. This law pertains to the power, the majesty, the stability of our nation, and towards the well-being of all, which law Q. Catulus upheld during the armed rebellion of the citizens, in almost the most troubled times of the republic, and which law extinguished the remaining embers during my consulship when the flames had subsided--now by this law Caelius’s youth is demanded not for the punishments of the republic but for the lusts and whims of a woman.
Chapter 71^^^
Now at this point the condemnation of M. Camurtus and C. Caesernus is brought forward. O stupidity! Will I call it stupidity, or a singular impudence? Did you dare, when you came from that woman, to make mention of those men? Did you dare stir up the memory of such great shame, that memory not only extinguished but long suppressed? For by what charge and error were they condemned? Naturally, because they avenged the pain and injury for the nefarious sex crime of Vettius. Therefore, so that name of Vettus be heard in this case, so that the old bronze story be brought up, is that why the case of Camurtus and Caesernus is stirred up? who indeed certainly were not held in any way by the law about force, nevertheless had been implicated in so much wickedness that it seemed they should not be freed from the snares of any law.
---
* His cousin, Clodius. The 'furenti' that I'm translating as "raging" here (suggested by the text: "mad") is a term the conservative party used to refer to the more revolutionary part.
** That is, Metellus-as-consul was talking about Clodius making noise about killing Metellus. I think.
*** According to my footnote, a pyxis is a little cylinder-ish box used for holding cosmetics and other womanly stuff, often made from ivory, wood, or pottery. There will be a lot of talk of this pyxis in later parts of this speech; I suspect they'd sound even wackier if I just translated it as 'box' every time.
* An allusion to another insult towards Clodia, which claimed she was prostituting herself for a quadrans (thus the “two bits”), the same amount charged to let people into the baths. It’s a confusing sentence, but the footnote makes it clear that it’s very, very rude.
** Literally, “then the foot-castanets sound out and the curtain is raised.” Farces didn’t have a plot, so there was just a musical sting and the curtain raised (to cover the stage) when it was over.
*** My footnotes say that in theory, as a widow, Clodia couldn’t actually free slaves herself, being under the legal control of her male relatives; in practice, with enough money, she could manage it.
^ Cicero is doing something very strident with the arrangement of pronouns in this sentence, but damned if I can untangle it.
^^ The footnote says: “We have no idea what this refers to, though those listening to the speech certainly must have.” So there you have it.
^^^ There is a lot of wibble in the footnotes about this section, but it comes down to “We have no idea what case is being referred to here, or who these people are, or why it’s relevant to the case at hand.” If, as Cicero seems to imply, the whole matter was deliberately suppressed, I guess that would explain part of the mystery. Or at least why it’s so mysterious.