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And so we continue Casina, finally reaching the stuff we’re reasonably sure Plautus wrote himself. (The acrostic summary came after his time, and the prologue was at least edited, if not completely rewritten, to suit each revival. We’re not even sure if he did prologues.) Let us delve into this world of mistaken identities and everyone trying to arrange to have sex with a young woman who has no say in the matter and doesn’t even appear in this play!
...really, these comedies are a lot funnier if I don’t think too hard about the details. Anyway. Have an act. (Acts in these Roman comedies are a wee bit shorter than Shakespearean acts, it seems.)
Act 1
OLYMPIO*: Am I not even allowed, as I wish, to talk to myself alone about my own affairs without you observing? Damnation, why do you follow me?
CHALINUS: Because it is certain for me, that just like a shadow, wherever you will go, I will always follow you. By Pollux, even if you wish to wander onto a torture-rack, it is decreed that I follow. From there the rest can be figured out, whether you’ll not be able to take Casina as your wife in secret from me, by your schemes, in the same manner as you’re planning.
OLYMPIO: What business do you have with me?
CHALINUS: You say “what”, you rascal? Why are you creeping about the city, among villas** of no great value?
OLYMPIO: It pleases me.
CHALINUS: But why aren’t you in the country, in your own province?*** What could you possibly look for that’s a commissioned duty for you, and that you’d busy yourself with matters of the city? You came here for stealing away my bride. Go away to the country, go away immediately to your own province.
OLYMPIO: Chalinus, I am not unmindful of my duty; I appointed someone in the country straightaway who minds my work in my absence. What I came here into the city for, if I get what I want, is the marriage of that wife whom you desperately love, the beautiful and delicate Casina, your fellow-slave; when I lead her away to the country with me as my wife, I will always sleep well out in the country, in my province.
CHALINUS: So you’re marrying her? Good god, better than I hang myself dead than you get the better of me, concerning her.
OLYMPIO: That woman is my plunder; accordingly, you can go dress yourself with a noose.
CHALINUS: Having dug a manure pit, should you get your plunder from it?
OLYMPIO: You know how it goes.
CHALINUS: Get lost!
OLYMPIO: You’ll be valued as a peck of corn, if I live, and I’ll have you as a wretch at my wedding.
CHALINUS: What will you do to me?
OLYMPIO: Ha! What would I do to you? First of all you’ll shine a torch at the new wedding; second, you’ll always be worthless and a nuisance; after that point, when you reach your villa, you’ll be given a jug, a footpath, a fountain, a bucket, and eight vats; and if the vats aren’t always full, I’ll fill them by flogging you. This way I’ll make you so bent by carrying water in the country that I can make a crupper out of you.^
After that, unless you’ve eaten a haystack, or dirt (like a worm does), as if you think you’d like anything at all, Hunger himself is not so hungry as I’ll make you in the country. Afterwards, when you’ve become weary and famished, when you sleep at night as you deserve, it’ll be taken care of.
CHALINUS: What will you do?
OLYMPIO: Shut you up firmly in the window, where you can listen attentively when I kiss that woman. When she says to me, “My little beast, my Olympian, my life, my little honey, my festivity, if I might praise your kisses, my passion, if I will love you to be loved, my holiday, my sparrow-cub, my dove, my wolf,” when these words are said to me, then you, wretch, just like a mouse, will turn about in the middle of the wall.
Now, so that you won’t think of a response for me, I’ll go away inside. Your speech offends me.
CHALINUS: I follow you. Here, by Pollux, you’ll certainly do nothing at all without me judging it.
---
* The steward/slave of the old man, and from the country; Chalinus is the shieldbearer/slave of the old man’s son, and a town-dweller.
** There’s an implied pun here between villas (villi) and stewards (vilici), given it’s addressed to a steward.
*** Both in the sense of “the legal province where that farm is placed” and “the area over which you are a superintendent”. And I may stop footnoting the wordplay unless it’s particularly funny/odd/important, because I’m going to run out of footnotes.
^ A crupper, for those of you not up to date on horse terminology, being the strap that gets looped beneath the horse’s tail for holding the saddle in place.
...really, these comedies are a lot funnier if I don’t think too hard about the details. Anyway. Have an act. (Acts in these Roman comedies are a wee bit shorter than Shakespearean acts, it seems.)
Act 1
OLYMPIO*: Am I not even allowed, as I wish, to talk to myself alone about my own affairs without you observing? Damnation, why do you follow me?
CHALINUS: Because it is certain for me, that just like a shadow, wherever you will go, I will always follow you. By Pollux, even if you wish to wander onto a torture-rack, it is decreed that I follow. From there the rest can be figured out, whether you’ll not be able to take Casina as your wife in secret from me, by your schemes, in the same manner as you’re planning.
OLYMPIO: What business do you have with me?
CHALINUS: You say “what”, you rascal? Why are you creeping about the city, among villas** of no great value?
OLYMPIO: It pleases me.
CHALINUS: But why aren’t you in the country, in your own province?*** What could you possibly look for that’s a commissioned duty for you, and that you’d busy yourself with matters of the city? You came here for stealing away my bride. Go away to the country, go away immediately to your own province.
OLYMPIO: Chalinus, I am not unmindful of my duty; I appointed someone in the country straightaway who minds my work in my absence. What I came here into the city for, if I get what I want, is the marriage of that wife whom you desperately love, the beautiful and delicate Casina, your fellow-slave; when I lead her away to the country with me as my wife, I will always sleep well out in the country, in my province.
CHALINUS: So you’re marrying her? Good god, better than I hang myself dead than you get the better of me, concerning her.
OLYMPIO: That woman is my plunder; accordingly, you can go dress yourself with a noose.
CHALINUS: Having dug a manure pit, should you get your plunder from it?
OLYMPIO: You know how it goes.
CHALINUS: Get lost!
OLYMPIO: You’ll be valued as a peck of corn, if I live, and I’ll have you as a wretch at my wedding.
CHALINUS: What will you do to me?
OLYMPIO: Ha! What would I do to you? First of all you’ll shine a torch at the new wedding; second, you’ll always be worthless and a nuisance; after that point, when you reach your villa, you’ll be given a jug, a footpath, a fountain, a bucket, and eight vats; and if the vats aren’t always full, I’ll fill them by flogging you. This way I’ll make you so bent by carrying water in the country that I can make a crupper out of you.^
After that, unless you’ve eaten a haystack, or dirt (like a worm does), as if you think you’d like anything at all, Hunger himself is not so hungry as I’ll make you in the country. Afterwards, when you’ve become weary and famished, when you sleep at night as you deserve, it’ll be taken care of.
CHALINUS: What will you do?
OLYMPIO: Shut you up firmly in the window, where you can listen attentively when I kiss that woman. When she says to me, “My little beast, my Olympian, my life, my little honey, my festivity, if I might praise your kisses, my passion, if I will love you to be loved, my holiday, my sparrow-cub, my dove, my wolf,” when these words are said to me, then you, wretch, just like a mouse, will turn about in the middle of the wall.
Now, so that you won’t think of a response for me, I’ll go away inside. Your speech offends me.
CHALINUS: I follow you. Here, by Pollux, you’ll certainly do nothing at all without me judging it.
---
* The steward/slave of the old man, and from the country; Chalinus is the shieldbearer/slave of the old man’s son, and a town-dweller.
** There’s an implied pun here between villas (villi) and stewards (vilici), given it’s addressed to a steward.
*** Both in the sense of “the legal province where that farm is placed” and “the area over which you are a superintendent”. And I may stop footnoting the wordplay unless it’s particularly funny/odd/important, because I’m going to run out of footnotes.
^ A crupper, for those of you not up to date on horse terminology, being the strap that gets looped beneath the horse’s tail for holding the saddle in place.